Warning: The contents of this post “how to go late to work” is for entertainment only and shouldn’t be regarded as career advice. Enjoy!
At every workplace, there’s always that one guy – that guy with the balls to enter the office by 12 pm, 1 pm,…, some days he doesn’t even show up at all!
If you’re like me, then you’ve probably asked yourself; “How does this guy do it?”, “Why hasn’t he been fired yet?”, “How do I do my own? (without losing my job)”. Well, look no further, all your questions will be answered in this short post.
Well, look no further, all your questions will be answered in this short post. I present to you; “How To Go Late To Work” – with these 5 techniques.
1. Time Your Boss
The Bossman can’t fire you for coming late if you seem to be present in the office every time (s)he arrives. Of course, this method isn’t fool-proof; your boss might trick you and come early one day, or maybe there’s a sign-in-register at your workplace, this technique will fail in the aforementioned scenarios.
2. Blame it on the Traffic
This technique relies on the unfailing certainty of traffic. If coming late to work is important to you, then this technique must be present in your arsenal. Even if it means relocating, you must do this. Traffic is your best friend.
3. Employ the Esoteric Lie
Mundane excuses like diseases, faulty alarm clocks and flat tires are for learners. These “regular lies” just tell your employer how unimaginative you are, and how little you think of his/her intelligence. This is why you must employ the “esoteric lie”; a lie so random and bizarre that your employer would be too awe-struck to refute it. Tell him a giant sat on your house and crushed all your belongings. He would be too busy trying to wrap his head around it to even begin to question your logic.
4. Act Natural
Be cool. Act natural. If you make it look natural it’ll become natural. Don’t mess this up.
5. Get Cocky
Once you’ve established yourself as a perpetual latecomer, the next step is to flaunt it. This is without a doubt the most devastating technique, as it inflicts psychological torture on your coworkers, pushing them to act irrationally.
With great power comes great responsibility. Use these techniques wisely.
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